Do You Want Everything Right Now? Why Have We Lost Patience?

Today's norms encourage us to look for quick fixes for temporary comfort — practically anything to numb our discomfort and pain.

You see this everywhere: casinos, drug ads, get-rich-quick schemes. People no longer see the value in being patient through hard times, or in working hard to reach a goal.

They want to lose those 10 pounds now and buy the latest phone model, they want true love and relationships within 3 months (these days, 3 months together already counts as a long-term relationship), rather than saving up for later or investing in building a solid foundation.

Unfortunately, more often than not, we make life choices to avoid momentary pain, and in doing so, we fail to see that delaying gratification is sometimes the best solution to the problems we're facing.

But what long-term results can you expect if you're only guided by getting pleasure in the moment?

What's more, you take out loans to go on vacation, to buy the most expensive car or house.

If you're living your life only to avoid pain, where's the meaning in that?

When we live only for immediate pleasure — needing the newest gadget or accessory the moment it's available, or wanting the perfect job without educating, improving or qualifying ourselves for it — we end up disappointed, anxious and depressed when none of it happens. We may even come to believe that we're inadequate or not good for anything.

All of this comes down to delayed gratification. Back in the '60s, a study was done on this very topic. If you're not familiar with it, you can read about it here: The marshmallow study.

Given the results of that study, think about yourself and your own actions. Are you willing to wait for the things you want, even if it means sacrificing immediate pleasure?

When you make decisions, do you think about the long-term goal, or about what brings you quick satisfaction?

Do you have moments when you give up too soon?

Do you remember a time when you solved a difficult problem that took a long time? How did you feel? What were the benefits of waiting?

If you've started a school program or a business and don't have results yet, do you keep going or give up when things get hard?

Things that bring us immediate pleasure — food, drugs, gambling, sex, dumping our emotions on someone, or compulsive shopping — don't actually bring out the best in us. They just ease a certain pain for the moment.

Choosing a bigger reward in the long run over one in the moment is a major challenge in every area of our lives. From skipping a slice of cake while on a diet, to not going on vacation for a year, the ability to delay gratification can make the difference between reaching your goals and failing. Even more, it plays a major role in achieving long-term success and happiness.

It really is hard, given today's society, where you're constantly being sold the idea of "instant", "fast", "effortless", "make money while you sleep", "take a pill and you're done" — that your life will change overnight.

Yes, it changes overnight — that one night, after 10 years of work.

Neuroscientists Joseph W. Kable and Joseph T. McGuire, from the University of Pennsylvania, argue that uncertainty about future rewards is what makes delaying gratification such a difficult challenge. "Today's events aren't always predictable." So we can't know for certain when those big rewards will come, or whether they'll come at all.

Trust is a critical factor

Do you wait for the things you want, even if you don't know when they'll happen? Do you trust your own abilities to make things happen, or to reach your goals?

In a famous experiment by a graduate student, Celeste Kidd, at the University of Rochester, who redid the classic cookie experiment, this time the promise that those who waited would receive a bigger reward was broken, and only excuses were offered instead. As a result, half of the participants, who were left disappointed, ate the cookies immediately the second time they were told to wait.

This also brings to mind, for example, the communist era, when you didn't have access to everything you needed, in unlimited amounts. Everything was rationed, and that has long-term consequences. Because it's only natural that after years or months of scarcity, you rush headlong into sweets, things, and everything else.

Meanwhile, those who had childhoods with access to what they wanted (I'm only talking about a decent standard of living here) turned their attention to other pursuits, and found it much easier to delay gratification. They knew they'd still find it later.

It sounds hard, but it isn't impossible. Anything can be learned and changed. When you work on yourself and figure out who you are, what you do, and how you do what you do, everything becomes easier and clearer.

According to Aristotle, true happiness is about cultivating good habits and about surrounding yourself with people who enrich and lift your soul. And that helps you access your full potential.

True happiness involves delaying gratification, discipline and patience, rather than immediate pleasure. A life with purpose, aligned with the pursuit of genuine happiness, creates real joy.

So, which path do you want to follow?

What will you start with?

Honestly, I'm not great at patience myself, but I have found, for instance, a way to relax while stuck in traffic: I look at that time as a gift, a chance to think, to reflect. Basically, a chance to pause and see whether what I'm doing is really what I want, and how I could do things better.

With love,

Raluca