The Relationship With In-Laws – A Source of Conflict in Relationships
Often the butt of countless jokes, the relationship with in-laws is actually a form of transference.
What does that actually mean?
If you find yourself thinking: "I can't stand my mother-in-law, she meddles in everything. We go see her once a month. It's a real chore. She spoils the kids as if they were hers…" — this can actually mean that something about your partner isn't sitting right with you.
Another thing that might bother you is that your husband has a good relationship with his mother, and you can't stand seeing him so attached, so dependent on her… and since you don't have the courage to tell your husband what you really think, you "attack" his mother instead, without realizing how much this will bother him. His natural reaction, of course, will be to defend his mother — and he'll grow even closer to her… reinforcing the dependency.
The point is that in any triangular relationship, you're the one who suffers the most, no matter what role you play in it.
And a good relationship with in-laws helps sustain a long-term loving relationship. The problem arises when conflicts and challenges come up.
To deal with them, ideally you should first talk with your partner about what's bothering you and how you see things, then agree together on a solution to resolve them.
Under no circumstances is it a good idea to be on opposing sides.
It's well known that most couples have had, and still have, conflicts over in-laws throughout their lives. Left unresolved, these challenges can, over time, create distance between the two of you, along with tension and plenty of arguments.
It comes down to what each person wants from a relationship: to be right at all costs, or to be with the person they love and build something together?
I'm curious whether you've faced challenges like this before, and how you resolved them. Or if you're currently going through something like this, feel free to write to me by email or in a comment below this article.
With love,
Raluca
P.S: I also recommend the article "How to Break the Repetitive Cycle of Dysfunctional Relationships".
Clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and ICF-accredited coach at PCC level. I work online with people who want clarity in their career and balance in their life.
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