The Moment of Truth: Who Are You in Your Own Life?

A saying comes to mind that went something like this:

Are you the one living this life, or is it living you?

Often, we walk the same well-worn path laid out by others, just to feel like we fit in, to avoid standing out. But why do we really do this?

To belong to something? To avoid being alone?

To avoid hearing what our soul is telling us?

Because we're afraid of what it might ask of us? Of what we might discover about ourselves?

Maybe we'd discover that, until now, we haven't truly lived the way we wanted to?

As hard as it may be to believe, we're often afraid to look at the reality within our own soul, because it would be too painful. So instead, we lie to ourselves, put on our smiling social mask, and lash out with curses, unkindness, and criticism in every direction, taking it out on the people around us.

Why?

Because there is a lot of anger inside us. Anger at ourselves for not living in harmony with our own soul. We're afraid to accept that everything we've done so far, we did for our mother, for our father, or to prove something to others — and we put ourselves last, or never even stopped to consider who we really are and what our true desires are.

So really, what does your life truly mean to you?

And don't answer from books — just look at how things have been until now and how they are today. What has it been about so far? And what would you have wanted it to be about?

If you were to write a book about your life, one that would remain after you're gone, what would you want others to remember about you?
I asked myself this question too, and I discovered that for a long time I lived in constant turmoil, in what I could call a struggle — seemingly between me and everyone else.

In the end, I discovered that it was actually between the part of me trying to fit into the standards imposed by others, and the part of me that wants to live in harmony with her own soul.

This was true in both my relationships and my professional life. No wonder I was never satisfied.

Because it wasn't what I truly wanted. I was afraid to let go of the things I knew, to make room for the unknown — I had no reference point for what would come next.

As human beings, we need reference points to feel safe, to have a sense of control — and when those reference points disappear, we become completely disoriented.
Such reference points could be a relationship, a person, a job, or an activity you do.

Until you have the courage to truly look at yourself, you won't be able to be 100% present anywhere.

And relationships are the greatest mirror in which we can see ourselves. Here I mean any person or thing you relate to, including money, your career, and so on.

Because the way you relate professionally is reflected in your personal life, and vice versa. It's not possible to have wonderful relationships at work while not getting along with your partner at home. Looking more closely and honestly, you'll discover that the way you relate to and interact with others is essentially the same everywhere.

And if something isn't going right, ask yourself what exactly bothers you when you look around. Then look at yourself again and ask yourself the question:

What actually bothers me about myself?

Another thing I like to look at is what we believe about people and relationships.

For example, if you believe you can't trust people and relationships because they'll betray you, guess what? You'll behave toward them as if they already have, closing off every path through which you could truly grow close to someone. In turn, you end up shutting yourself in, isolating emotionally, and you won't allow others to see you as you truly are, or to come closer to you.

And today, more than ever, we need to be together with one another, to be authentic, and to give ourselves — and the people around us — a chance. A chance to build genuine relationships.

If you'd like to see where you stand with social isolation, here are a few statements you can rate on a scale from 1 to 6, where:

1 – means completely untrue

2 – mostly untrue

3 – more false than true

4 – more true than false

5 – mostly true

6 – describes me perfectly

Recommendation: as you answer, think about real situations, not how you'd like to be.

1. I feel that people will take advantage of me
2. I feel I must not let my guard down around other people, or they will deliberately hurt me
3. It's only a matter of time before someone betrays or deceives me
4. I'm quite suspicious of other people's motives
5. I'm usually wary of people's intentions

If your score is above 15, it means you have a very high level of social isolation. If it's between 9 and 12, it's high, and if it's below 9, it's low.

Once you see your results, take each statement individually and ask yourself: How does this belief influence my relationships with the people around me, and the way I relate to them?

The first step toward change is to see reality, accept it, and then decide what we want to change and how.

The path toward genuine relationships and toward your true self can often be difficult, with ups and downs. Many times you may feel lost and disoriented, and need a companion along the way, a guide by your side.

That's what I'm here for, just a message or a phone call away 🙂

Warmly,
Raluca